More Tuna at the Beach, or, What The Cross Means to Me

I've read a half dozen explanations about the true meaning of Jesus' sacrifice on Calvary, or why God would sacrifice His only begotten Son. "Substitutionary Atonement" for our sins is the basic one, easiest to explain and possibly hardest to understand, with my brain at least. If God wants to forgive us, then why not simply do so, as we are commanded to forgive others? Isn't that what grace is about?

I am told that the "Ransom" theory is the oldest. We humans placed ourselves under Satan's authority and Jesus' death ransomed us back for God. That God double-crossed Satan by raising Jesus from the dead brings a smile to my face.

The "Christus Victor" theory holds that the enemy is death itself, not sin or Satan. Jesus opens the door to our eternal life by entering into and overcoming death. The "Perfect Penitent" theory actually answers my questions about forgiveness. Forgiveness, to be real and legitimate, requires an expression of sincere repentance from the wrongdoer - me for example. I am not very good at repenting sincerely and fully. Paul's writings remind me that I am fully "sold out to sin." Jesus became representative of all humanity and in spite of His complete innocence repents for all of us. This is the view held by one of my favorite writers, C.S. Lewis.

"Moral Influence" holds that the cross demonstrates Jesus' self-giving, complete abandonment to God's will and self-devotion for the sake of the world. Jesus' death completes the entire message of His life: He makes visible the self-giving love of God. When that sacrificial love touches us we are changed internally -"constrained" is the word Paul uses for it. We want to stop being selfish and join God in giving back; first by giving ourselves to God, then to the people whom God so dearly loves.

I don't know the name of the sixth theory but it hinges on vulnerability. By becoming vulnerable on the cross, by accepting suffering from everyone (Jews and Romans) rather than visiting suffering on everyone, Jesus shows God's loving heart. God wants forgiveness, not revenge, for everyone. Jesus shows us that the wisdom of God's Kingdom is sacrifice, not violence. This theory helps me to understand how God's kingdom on earth began with Jesus' arrival - and why the Jews could not accept anything other than a warrior king. It's about accepting suffering and transforming it into reconciliation, not about avenging suffering through retaliation.

But it is not until I consider how painfully I have been hurt by others that I understand how painful my sins have been to God. Until it has been experienced it is impossible to to understand just how physical, how visceral, betrayal feels. The world goes empty, your stomach burns, your legs feel numb, your neck is cold, each breath feels like you're drawing in a poisonous gas, your brain buzzes like a fire alarm so loud you can hardly stand it.

I used to wonder why forgiving hurts so much. And then it came to me why Jesus had to suffer and die for my sins. Forgiveness by a perfect God required a sacrifice of monumental proportion. For I have betrayed Him so deeply and so often. I still could not fully verbalize any particular theory of the cross - but I understand now. Paul writes of "the unsearchable riches of Christ" in Eph 3:8. I now know he was speaking of something far beyond my understanding, but not beyond my appreciation, at least in part.