When a shipwright lays a keel he is not doing so to leave it on the scaffolding. His thoughts are of seeing it move across the seas, sails full, safely carrying through strong winds, even gales and hurricanes. If he is not thinking of the harshest of conditions he is a poor shipbuilder.
In that same way, when God made me a believer He had every intention of making me capable of withstanding life's difficulties. To do so, He was going to allow me to be tested. Sure, He could have just spoken into me all the traits and values He desires to see. But that would do away with what He wanted me to have most - Free Will.
I fall back on an earlier thought here; love is a choice. God wants me to choose to love Him. He has made me hundreds of promises to lure me to Him and I've written of some. But a reality of life is that the fulfillment of His promises does not always bring immediate comfort. The poem Easy to Love http://evenmoreclueless.blogspot.com/2010/07/it-is-easy-to-love-him-when-blue-is-in.html touches on this but stops short of what I truly believe; that God will go to any length necessary to fully develop me.
How can we have rain without clouds? And the blacker and denser the clouds the more life-giving water they contain. Anyone who has pruned roses knows that cutting the canes back severely produces the showiest blooms in the future. And God is certainly going to do in my life what I need done. My Lord's love letters often come in dark envelopes.
I can not estimate the great debt I owe to suffering and pain. If not for them what capacity would I have for any virtues? Where would my faith be if it had not been tested? What patience could I have were there nothing to endure? Without difficult experiences is compassion or empathy possible?
"He has given us his very great and precious promises." (2 Peter 1:4) He delivered on His promise to be with me through my difficulties and I am a man changed to the molecular level. To be free of active addiction would have been more than enough. But He went so much further. Because of compassion I am able to find joy in serving and helping others. Because of patience I am able to bear my burdens without being a burden. Because of faith I can believe. And because of love, I can love.
My old life now seems as dim and unsure as a dream remembered days later.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
On Love - Revisited
For giggles I Googled "love". One billion, 900 ten million results delivered in under a quarter of one second. Wow! What an amazing tool. Nearly two Billion websites of mostly useless, trite misinformation. A cursory scan of selections, not wasting time in opening any, was horrifying. The overwhelming majority appear to be links to porn sites. One of my own blog posts is there. There is even a 'Love Calculator' available to determine the chance of a successful relationship between two people. I didn't score well.
Turning to my trusted dictionary I find love nestled between lovat and love affair. I learn that love is both a noun and a verb. Excerpts inform me that, among other things, love is "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person," "a feeling of warm personal attachment." All well and good.
Wikipedia does not disagree and expands further in defining love. "Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment[1] experienced by certain animals, most notably humans. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. In religious context, love is not just a virtue, but the basis for all being ("God is love"[2]), and the foundation for all divine law (Golden Rule)."
I learn that there have been eleven motion pictures, three dozen TV series episodes, a Greek Soap Opera, twenty-two albums, twenty-seven singles, two bands, one record label, and a "Love 97.2 FM" - a Singaporean radio station, all named Love.
Love appears in the title of thousands of books, essays and articles, annually. Numerous talk shows center on the topic and a myriad of talk show hosts, on radio and television, are self-proclaimed experts on the topic. With such a wealth of information available, what have I to add? Little of significance, I am afraid. Yet I am compelled to throw my own twopence into the pot.
There is no end to the way we can define love. But the definition of a topic does not of necessity provide me with the ability to perform. My history of failed marriages is proof of an inability to follow through on the promise. I could read dozens of books, articles and papers on heart transplants and not be able to complete one successfully.
And to be able to wax poetic on a topic no more qualifies me as an expert than it gives me the ability to fly unaided. I may, however, be sneaking up on the intermediate level simply by knowing what love is not.
Turning to my trusted dictionary I find love nestled between lovat and love affair. I learn that love is both a noun and a verb. Excerpts inform me that, among other things, love is "a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person," "a feeling of warm personal attachment." All well and good.
Wikipedia does not disagree and expands further in defining love. "Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment[1] experienced by certain animals, most notably humans. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection. In religious context, love is not just a virtue, but the basis for all being ("God is love"[2]), and the foundation for all divine law (Golden Rule)."
I learn that there have been eleven motion pictures, three dozen TV series episodes, a Greek Soap Opera, twenty-two albums, twenty-seven singles, two bands, one record label, and a "Love 97.2 FM" - a Singaporean radio station, all named Love.
Love appears in the title of thousands of books, essays and articles, annually. Numerous talk shows center on the topic and a myriad of talk show hosts, on radio and television, are self-proclaimed experts on the topic. With such a wealth of information available, what have I to add? Little of significance, I am afraid. Yet I am compelled to throw my own twopence into the pot.
There is no end to the way we can define love. But the definition of a topic does not of necessity provide me with the ability to perform. My history of failed marriages is proof of an inability to follow through on the promise. I could read dozens of books, articles and papers on heart transplants and not be able to complete one successfully.
And to be able to wax poetic on a topic no more qualifies me as an expert than it gives me the ability to fly unaided. I may, however, be sneaking up on the intermediate level simply by knowing what love is not.
Monday, August 9, 2010
On Love
Often, what we call love is merely desire. That desire is to awaken in another the responsibility of flattering the self of which we are uncertain. It is essentially the encounter of two weaknesses. This is particularly true of relationships that are crippled from the start by a confusion of sex and love. That which I want to awaken in others is generally a fulfillment of my sexual needs. To be certain, sex plays a role in love, but as a society we have come to place too great an importance on it.
To truly love another human being is an amazing gift to myself. But to accomplish this, my 'self' must first be put to death. I must have the self-less-ness to love that person exactly as I want to be loved. And this presupposes that I am emotionally developed enough to truly know my own needs. My consuming desire must be to know, accept, appreciate, to cherish and honor another soul exactly as they are - not as I wish they were, or presently might be, or even what I might make them to be. Especially not what I might make them to be.
To truly love I must understand that at any given moment there may be many unlovable traits or actions in another person. These shortcomings may last for a moment, a minute, a time, a season or a lifetime. But if I truly love I will find the desire to overlook them, not the wish to change them. To quote Wm. Shakespeare, "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds."
Lest you think I have not thought this proposition through, there may well be reasons I should not keep someone I love in my life by simply overlooking those things that are detrimental to my own well being. But these must be looked at on a case-by-case basis. An abusive relationship, or a relationship where one's beloved has begun to engage in unacceptable behaviors require deep thought and prayer for guidance.
Love seeks to make someone else happy, not to seek happiness. My happiness (in a loving relationship) must stem from the delight I receive at seeing her joy. If I am causal in that joy I can never expect or demand that it be returned. There is no quid pro quo in love. Love is a spendthrift; it leaves the calculator at home and may always be awash in red ink.
To love someone is to take a risk. It is to say, "I may be crushed by this but I will do it regardless of outcome." Love cannot protect itself. To do so would be to offer less than my whole, leaving me uncommitted. Contrary to modern opinion, any emotion that protects itself can not be complete. To stand with one foot on each side of the line is to live only partial experiences.
I point to the example of my Savior who preached that we should love and care for each other until the day He died. I am a realist, too. I don't claim to have much mastery of the selfless love Christ demonstrated. Agape - the Greek word for what Christ demonstrated - will always be a better concept than reality. But it is not an excuse for failing to try.
I think fear holds back most people who have yet to experience genuinely abiding love; fear of the unknown, fear of the pain of rejection, fear of being unable to fulfill our side of the contract - for love is an emotional contract, eternally binding. It could never be reduced to paper or even fully verbalized. It is not legally binding, but it does tie us to a commitment, to a covenant relationship.
And at the end, the only love which has lasted is the love which has endured everything; every disappointment, every failure, every betrayal, every sorrow, a love that has accepted the reality that in the end, as at the beginning, there is no desire so deep as the simple need to be known, and loved and accepted exactly as we are.
To truly love another human being is an amazing gift to myself. But to accomplish this, my 'self' must first be put to death. I must have the self-less-ness to love that person exactly as I want to be loved. And this presupposes that I am emotionally developed enough to truly know my own needs. My consuming desire must be to know, accept, appreciate, to cherish and honor another soul exactly as they are - not as I wish they were, or presently might be, or even what I might make them to be. Especially not what I might make them to be.
To truly love I must understand that at any given moment there may be many unlovable traits or actions in another person. These shortcomings may last for a moment, a minute, a time, a season or a lifetime. But if I truly love I will find the desire to overlook them, not the wish to change them. To quote Wm. Shakespeare, "Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds."
Lest you think I have not thought this proposition through, there may well be reasons I should not keep someone I love in my life by simply overlooking those things that are detrimental to my own well being. But these must be looked at on a case-by-case basis. An abusive relationship, or a relationship where one's beloved has begun to engage in unacceptable behaviors require deep thought and prayer for guidance.
Love seeks to make someone else happy, not to seek happiness. My happiness (in a loving relationship) must stem from the delight I receive at seeing her joy. If I am causal in that joy I can never expect or demand that it be returned. There is no quid pro quo in love. Love is a spendthrift; it leaves the calculator at home and may always be awash in red ink.
To love someone is to take a risk. It is to say, "I may be crushed by this but I will do it regardless of outcome." Love cannot protect itself. To do so would be to offer less than my whole, leaving me uncommitted. Contrary to modern opinion, any emotion that protects itself can not be complete. To stand with one foot on each side of the line is to live only partial experiences.
I point to the example of my Savior who preached that we should love and care for each other until the day He died. I am a realist, too. I don't claim to have much mastery of the selfless love Christ demonstrated. Agape - the Greek word for what Christ demonstrated - will always be a better concept than reality. But it is not an excuse for failing to try.
I think fear holds back most people who have yet to experience genuinely abiding love; fear of the unknown, fear of the pain of rejection, fear of being unable to fulfill our side of the contract - for love is an emotional contract, eternally binding. It could never be reduced to paper or even fully verbalized. It is not legally binding, but it does tie us to a commitment, to a covenant relationship.
And at the end, the only love which has lasted is the love which has endured everything; every disappointment, every failure, every betrayal, every sorrow, a love that has accepted the reality that in the end, as at the beginning, there is no desire so deep as the simple need to be known, and loved and accepted exactly as we are.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Love Pains
A mighty pain to love it is,
and 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
but of all the pains, the greatest pain
it is to love but love in vain.
and 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
but of all the pains, the greatest pain
it is to love but love in vain.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
My Questions
Could we recognize day
were there no night?
Would the painters craft appeal to eye
without shade on land or sea?
Can we ever feel pleasure
unless we know pain?
Should we know the meaning of happiness
or believe the day will dawn bright,
If we'd never known what it was to grieve,
nor gazed on the dark of night?
were there no night?
Would the painters craft appeal to eye
without shade on land or sea?
Can we ever feel pleasure
unless we know pain?
Should we know the meaning of happiness
or believe the day will dawn bright,
If we'd never known what it was to grieve,
nor gazed on the dark of night?
Leisure of Mind
It's wistful,
the leisure of mind, to lean
on a fencepost and simply look,
and not feel the need to press
for a subtext,
being so rare.
the leisure of mind, to lean
on a fencepost and simply look,
and not feel the need to press
for a subtext,
being so rare.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
He is Not Armed, But Very Dangerous
Following church the other day, I went to the beach to digest the message. I read more from my bible, following rabbit trail references to yet other passages, attempting to discern what God wanted me to hear today. The pastor's message had been excellent, yes, but I was left feeling there was more to the story, feeling that what I needed to hear was opposite a thin veil, slightly obscured. As often happens I drifted off to sleep while meditating on my reading.
"He is not armed, but very dangerous." The man outside my truck was speaking excitedly into a device I couldn't see. I wondered if I were dreaming, the event taking on an immediate surreal air. While I slumbered, law enforcement had descended on the area. Sitting now, inside the protective enclave of my truck canopy/home I watched seven or eight men descend rapidly to the beach and out of sight behind dunes of sand and grasses. Minute later a defiant young man in wetsuit and handcuffs was led to a waiting van and whisked away.
In The Chronicles of Narnia, a C.S.Lewis character asks of Aslan, "Is he safe?" The reply, "No. But he's good", helps to gel my thoughts. Well before His ministry began, even before His birth, Jesus was not a safe person to hang out with. But He was good, very good; not armed but very dangerous.
An encounter with Jesus is going to change your life, eternally, and the lives of those around you. John the Baptist learned this, his first encounter with the Christ taking place while still in the womb. "When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in the womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit." (Luke 1:41)
Many today envision John as a wildman, dressing in camelhair clothing and leathers, eating wild honey and locusts. Yet in the context of his time, John was a successful prophet and minister, building a sizable following - his livelihood. John spent his life as a signpost pointing the way to the coming of One he felt unworthy to serve.
When the time came for Jesus to begin His ministry on earth, John stepped aside, instructing his followers, his meal-ticket as it were, to follow after Jesus. Were Jesus to appear today I wonder how many pastors and ministers would graciously preach that their flocks, and incomes, should hurry after Him? I wish I felt that most would.
Near the end of John's life, a brutal beheading, Jesus began to speak to the crowd about John; "What did you go out into the desert to see? A reed swayed by the wind? If not, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, those who wear fine clothes are in king's palaces. Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet." (Matt 11:7-9)
John never forgot Who was to come and his service was praised by the Master. That sounds like a beautiful eulogy for someone who was similarly not armed, yet very dangerous.
"He is not armed, but very dangerous." The man outside my truck was speaking excitedly into a device I couldn't see. I wondered if I were dreaming, the event taking on an immediate surreal air. While I slumbered, law enforcement had descended on the area. Sitting now, inside the protective enclave of my truck canopy/home I watched seven or eight men descend rapidly to the beach and out of sight behind dunes of sand and grasses. Minute later a defiant young man in wetsuit and handcuffs was led to a waiting van and whisked away.
In The Chronicles of Narnia, a C.S.Lewis character asks of Aslan, "Is he safe?" The reply, "No. But he's good", helps to gel my thoughts. Well before His ministry began, even before His birth, Jesus was not a safe person to hang out with. But He was good, very good; not armed but very dangerous.
An encounter with Jesus is going to change your life, eternally, and the lives of those around you. John the Baptist learned this, his first encounter with the Christ taking place while still in the womb. "When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in the womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit." (Luke 1:41)
Many today envision John as a wildman, dressing in camelhair clothing and leathers, eating wild honey and locusts. Yet in the context of his time, John was a successful prophet and minister, building a sizable following - his livelihood. John spent his life as a signpost pointing the way to the coming of One he felt unworthy to serve.
When the time came for Jesus to begin His ministry on earth, John stepped aside, instructing his followers, his meal-ticket as it were, to follow after Jesus. Were Jesus to appear today I wonder how many pastors and ministers would graciously preach that their flocks, and incomes, should hurry after Him? I wish I felt that most would.
Near the end of John's life, a brutal beheading, Jesus began to speak to the crowd about John; "What did you go out into the desert to see? A reed swayed by the wind? If not, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, those who wear fine clothes are in king's palaces. Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet." (Matt 11:7-9)
John never forgot Who was to come and his service was praised by the Master. That sounds like a beautiful eulogy for someone who was similarly not armed, yet very dangerous.
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