I have fought my share of battles - maybe more than my share. I have struggled with temptation, bad habits, poor attitudes and even worse decisions. I have had disappointment, emotional pain, and enough discouragement to last a lifetime. I am fighting battles right now and there are ever more looming.
But my plan is to win. My objective is to overcome every obstacle in my path, with God's help. And I am not special, just determined. You can do the same. You see, God has destined us all to overcome the world. That's why He sent His Son.
Moses, a stuttering murderer, was destined to overcome. Jonah overcame an unwilling attitude. Daniel and the three Hebrew young men overcame oppression and a walk through the incinerator. Ester and David overcame oppression and each saved their nation. Peter dealt with a bad temper, Paul a thorn in his flesh, John an exile to Patmos. All overcame the trial in their way.
Even today examples abound. Joni Eareckson-Tada (read her works, please) comes readily to mind. I even know some overcomers, too, though I will use initials to keep them guessing. J battled his way back from crippling depression to continue serving his congregation. M's wife left him for another man in their church. T's wife left him for another woman. I have met scores of men and women in recovery whose spouse's just left, leaving them to deal with the emotional scars created by abandonment and the knowledge that they drove love out of their life.
What is the lesson to take away from this? Most of my life I have believed that in order to overcome, I must defeat what I struggle with. This is not so - not by a long shot. To overcome something may mean that we rid ourself of the problem. But more often than not, to overcome something we must press on in spite of the problem.
I can't imagine that I am destined to save a nation, as David or Ester were. The chances of my being exiled like John, similarly remote. But I am destined to overcome addiction. I am called upon to defeat my bad attitudes and determined to make better choices. And the power to do so is given simply by praying, and believing it is so.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
To See God
If I see God in everything, He will calm and color everything I see. Perhaps the circumstances causing my sorrow will not be changed and the situation will not change either, but if I bring Christ into my grief and gloom as Lord and Master, He will "surround me with songs of deliverance". (Ps 32:7)
To see Him and to be sure that His wisdom and power never fail, and His love never changes, to know that even His most distressing dealings with me are for my deepest spiritual gain, is to be able to say in the midst of sorrow, loss and pain, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." (Job 1:21)
Seeing God in everything is the only thing that will make me loving and patient with people who annoy, trouble and hurt me. Then I will see others as the instruments God uses to accomplish His tender and wise purpose for me. I can find myself inwardly thanking them (well, maybe someday) for the blessings that have come to me.
To see Him and to be sure that His wisdom and power never fail, and His love never changes, to know that even His most distressing dealings with me are for my deepest spiritual gain, is to be able to say in the midst of sorrow, loss and pain, "The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." (Job 1:21)
Seeing God in everything is the only thing that will make me loving and patient with people who annoy, trouble and hurt me. Then I will see others as the instruments God uses to accomplish His tender and wise purpose for me. I can find myself inwardly thanking them (well, maybe someday) for the blessings that have come to me.
Learning to Fly
"He guarded him... like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions. The Lord alone led him..." (Deut 32:10-12)
What a picture of love this is! God as a parent who delights in watching us grow up and learn to trust in the wings He has given us. He leads us to the edge of the precipice and nudges us into the void of thin air. He does that, not to frighten me, but to show me an as-yet-unrealized power to fly that adds to the comfort and joy of my life. He likes to see me soar.
But if, in my attempt to fly, I am exposed to some extraordinary peril, He is prepared to swoop beneath me, and carry me skyward on His mighty wings. Whenever He has allowed me to a position of unparalleled difficulty, I can always count on Him for deliverance!
What a picture of love this is! God as a parent who delights in watching us grow up and learn to trust in the wings He has given us. He leads us to the edge of the precipice and nudges us into the void of thin air. He does that, not to frighten me, but to show me an as-yet-unrealized power to fly that adds to the comfort and joy of my life. He likes to see me soar.
But if, in my attempt to fly, I am exposed to some extraordinary peril, He is prepared to swoop beneath me, and carry me skyward on His mighty wings. Whenever He has allowed me to a position of unparalleled difficulty, I can always count on Him for deliverance!
My First Review
"... verbose to the point of obesiity..."
The moon shattered the clouds before it,
"... soulless..."
so bright as to contest the supremacy of the day,
"... has not suffered enough..."
its effervescent blue-white light casting ghastly blue-black shadows,
"... the result of accountants using words instead of numbers."
crazed marionettes dancing under the wind manipulated trees.
I am smiling outwardly, and imensely pleased inwardly tonight, watching a full moon dance between scattered clouds. I pause to consider and reject some of the criticism one person has taken the time to record about my writing. I don't know this particular Adam from any other Adam but he was unimpressed with my work.
And I am thrilled! He was less than kind in his remarks. And I can't recall being more content with my work.
And as for being "soulless;" you won't know the value of your soul until you find it Adam.
The moon shattered the clouds before it,
"... soulless..."
so bright as to contest the supremacy of the day,
"... has not suffered enough..."
its effervescent blue-white light casting ghastly blue-black shadows,
"... the result of accountants using words instead of numbers."
crazed marionettes dancing under the wind manipulated trees.
I am smiling outwardly, and imensely pleased inwardly tonight, watching a full moon dance between scattered clouds. I pause to consider and reject some of the criticism one person has taken the time to record about my writing. I don't know this particular Adam from any other Adam but he was unimpressed with my work.
And I am thrilled! He was less than kind in his remarks. And I can't recall being more content with my work.
And as for being "soulless;" you won't know the value of your soul until you find it Adam.
Applying Lessons Learned
I lost track of this rant for a while
April 4, 2010
I recall a day when it dawned on me that some of the wisdom I was hearing in recovery was percolating through my thick skull. The day itself was not so memorable, it was the realization that maybe things were just not so bad as they seemed. That today just didn't suck as bad as yesterday.
Changes that develop in me over time may go unnoticed by me for prolonged periods. But because I desire them and am willing to work toward them they do come. My point of reference shifts even more slowly, or maybe it just moves less frequently than I do. Lying in the gutter, a gopher mound appears an insurmountable obstacle, but once on my feet I realize I can step over it handily.
The point of reference I am examining today is psychic change - the psychic change Dr. Silkworth wrote of for the first edition of Alcoholics Anonymous. That is the psychic change required to keep me away from a drink. That change becomes less and less about drinking with each passing day I do not drink. It becomes more and more about behavioral and attitudinal changes resulting from a change in my heart and in my mind.
Case in point; I am not the most observant of my own behaviors, thoughts or even my body. Monday and Thursday are doughnut days at my morning meeting. Since treatment for esophageal cancer swallowing has been painful. But one day it dawned on me as I was finishing my pastry that it hadn't been painful swallowing. It was merely uncomfortable. "When did that happen" was my thought.
As I grow in my recovery those types of experiences are becoming more common. "When did I stop being so resentful?" "When did I become anything that someone would describe as kind?" (That actually happened) "Why am I so comfortable with homelessness?" "How is it that I find battling cancer to be spiritually uplifting?" "Is it possible that I am smiling today? For no particular reason?"
At the end of my meetings a passage is read that states "[changes will come] sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." I think this to be somewhat inaccurate. These changes will materialize if we let them.
April 4, 2010
I recall a day when it dawned on me that some of the wisdom I was hearing in recovery was percolating through my thick skull. The day itself was not so memorable, it was the realization that maybe things were just not so bad as they seemed. That today just didn't suck as bad as yesterday.
Changes that develop in me over time may go unnoticed by me for prolonged periods. But because I desire them and am willing to work toward them they do come. My point of reference shifts even more slowly, or maybe it just moves less frequently than I do. Lying in the gutter, a gopher mound appears an insurmountable obstacle, but once on my feet I realize I can step over it handily.
The point of reference I am examining today is psychic change - the psychic change Dr. Silkworth wrote of for the first edition of Alcoholics Anonymous. That is the psychic change required to keep me away from a drink. That change becomes less and less about drinking with each passing day I do not drink. It becomes more and more about behavioral and attitudinal changes resulting from a change in my heart and in my mind.
Case in point; I am not the most observant of my own behaviors, thoughts or even my body. Monday and Thursday are doughnut days at my morning meeting. Since treatment for esophageal cancer swallowing has been painful. But one day it dawned on me as I was finishing my pastry that it hadn't been painful swallowing. It was merely uncomfortable. "When did that happen" was my thought.
As I grow in my recovery those types of experiences are becoming more common. "When did I stop being so resentful?" "When did I become anything that someone would describe as kind?" (That actually happened) "Why am I so comfortable with homelessness?" "How is it that I find battling cancer to be spiritually uplifting?" "Is it possible that I am smiling today? For no particular reason?"
At the end of my meetings a passage is read that states "[changes will come] sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." I think this to be somewhat inaccurate. These changes will materialize if we let them.
The Coffee blonde
One of the coolest things about writing is that I can plagiarize myself and call it editing my own work.
Blonde and breathless,
And a flurry of curls;
A whirlwind of activity
Flowing from hither to fro -
Yet simple, uncomplicated,
Elegant, beautiful.
The window casts a light
On the delicate white
Curve of her neck,
Setting tresses ablaze
And there falling lights strong hands
Caught in simple service.
What innumerable follies
Lay waste my thoughts;
This everyday image
Calling me through soul silence,
Catching me as I read
And pen these lines.
Blonde and breathless,
And a flurry of curls;
A whirlwind of activity
Flowing from hither to fro -
Yet simple, uncomplicated,
Elegant, beautiful.
The window casts a light
On the delicate white
Curve of her neck,
Setting tresses ablaze
And there falling lights strong hands
Caught in simple service.
What innumerable follies
Lay waste my thoughts;
This everyday image
Calling me through soul silence,
Catching me as I read
And pen these lines.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Cycles
She rose above her surroundings,
As if by nature,
hair of burnished bronze
Seemingly hand rubbed to a fine luster.
Eyes blue and bright
As the skies overhead -
Sparkling eyes
That mirror the meadows dew.
She was large-hearted,
And merry, and frank
Because of her fearlessness,
of her consciousness of power.
Yet change set in,
With prosperity and adversity,
New faces coming,
Old ones departing.
And the next cycle,
On which none can impact,
Creates a new colony,
Fortunes repeated from the last.
As if by nature,
hair of burnished bronze
Seemingly hand rubbed to a fine luster.
Eyes blue and bright
As the skies overhead -
Sparkling eyes
That mirror the meadows dew.
She was large-hearted,
And merry, and frank
Because of her fearlessness,
of her consciousness of power.
Yet change set in,
With prosperity and adversity,
New faces coming,
Old ones departing.
And the next cycle,
On which none can impact,
Creates a new colony,
Fortunes repeated from the last.
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