Love Lost

Drawn together,
seemingly predestined,
freewill nothing but illusion,
a love so infinitely rare-
a random wave of emotion
to be surfed to its destination?
No, a power so sublime,
exceeding that force
holding the universe together.

Were there ever more,
or more intense emotions
rushing at once,
to weigh and buoy my heart?
Your touch a great clarifier
of thought and feeling.
Restraint overcome,
replaced by the capacity to love
that stems from being loved.

My life flashing before me,
the realization of misshapen thought,
misspent years changing everything;
understanding the true worth,
this offer of life unencumbered.
Every day a gift,
every moment to savor,
a license to enjoy life
on unfamiliar turf,
nothing more than fearless-
when that felt at night,
when we are all most alone,
a fear so great
to be called mortal terror,
made powerless by your touch.

Studying your face
feature by feature,
could I ever forget your eyes,
the luster of your hair,

the shape of your mouth,
the sheen on your lips.
This sum of love and beauty
encompassing a dream;
our lives before us.

Thoughts held in mind
reproduced in their kind,
love growing, ever expanding;
your inherent goodness
found me in me,
showing what I might be
taught the value of family,
and roots.

In simplest terms,
my life began that day
though I'd lived decades without.
To see those eyelids flutter,
to watch and pray through the night
that I could fulfill
my role as husband,
to be your lifelong companion,
friend, advocate, lover, protector-
that you would understand cherish-
and be a wife satisfied.

How long since we last kissed,
only a moment ago,
or an eternity?
Oh, the sense of ineffable rest,
joy and completeness
when in your arms;
a lover won,
a wife to behold.

The commonplace, the everyday,
behind its familiar facade
being most likely to hold surprise,
the memories to treasure;
Rejecting an existence
that substitutes flash for beauty,
sensation for love-
as long as there is life
there is hope that beauty,
that love lost can be rediscovered,
what was reviled can be redeemed.

A Subversive Gospel - Transferred from old blog

I believe that most of us, most of the time, feel left out - misfits, we don't belong. I didn't learn the secret handshake or get the decoder ring that would make sense of this life. Others seem to be so confident, sure of themselves, "insiders" who know the ropes, old hands in a club from which we are excluded.

One of the ways we respond to this is to form our own club, "us four and no more," or join one that will have us. Here is one place where we are "in" and others are "out." The clubs can be formal or informal, in gatherings that are variously political, social, economic, cultural or religious. But the one thing they have in common is the principle of exclusion. Identity, or self worth, is achieved by excluding all but the chosen. The terrible price we pay for keeping all those others out, so we can savor the sweetness of being insiders, is a reduction of reality, a shrinkage of life.

Nowhere is the price more terrible than when it is paid in the cause of religion. But religion has a long history of doing just that, of reducing the immense mysteries of God to the respectability of club rules, of shrinking the vast human community to a "membership." But with God there are no outsiders.

Luke is a vigorous champion of the outsider. An outsider himself, the only Gentile in an all-Jewish cast of New Testament writers, he shows how Jesus includes those who were outsiders to the religious establishment of the day: women, common laborers (shepherds), the racially different (Samaritans), the poor, the infirm (lepers). He will not tolerate religion as a club. As Luke tells the story, all of us who have found ourselves on the outside looking in (haven't we all?) now find the doors wide open, found and welcomed by God in Jesus.

Trust

Build a little fence of trust
Around today;
Fill the space with loving work
And therein stay.
Look not through the protective rails
Upon tomorrow;
God will help you bear what comes
Of joy and sorrow.
- Mary Butts

Learning to talk with God about everything in my life has been a big step and leap of faith. I have learned to do this to free myself of the confusion, conflict and cares that fill my world today. Anytime I am preparing to do something, undergoing a trial, or simply pursuing my everyday life I try to tell Him about it. If I acquaint Him with it, even if I burden Him with it, I can put the matter behind me.

But I am finding it is impossible to "commit [my] way to the Lord" unless my way meets with His approval. It can only be done through extreme faith, for if I have even the slightest reservations that my way is not His way, faith will refuse to have anything to do with it.

Also, my committing my way to Him must be complete and continuous, not an isolated incident or action. No matter what form His guidance takes, no matter how contrary to my desires, no matter how close to the edge His way leads me, I can't snatch the controls back from His hands.

Am I willing to submit all my ways to His approval, to allow Him to pass judgment on them? There is nothing any Christian needs to more closely examine than his own beliefs, views and habits. We become accustomed to taking God's divine approval for granted. I think that is why some Christians are so anxious and fearful. They have not committed their entire way to Him. They grab the reins back in impatience or a lust for what the world offers.

I need to remind myself that His forgiveness does not mean His approval. I need to listen to that "still, small voice" that acts to convict me when my actions are incongruent with my beliefs. If His Word tells me what I am doing is wrong I have no business asking for repeated forgiveness. I should simply stew in my discomfort until I am actually ready to repent of my behavior and commit everything to Him. And there are truly very few gray areas.

First New Posting

I have long believed that God intended from the very beginning for us to live in relationship, with Him and with each other. Our greatest desire, whether we realize it or not, is to know others and to be known by others; and to be loved for what we are. It is my firm belief that the Creator of the heavens and the earth positioned men and women in relation to each other and fully intended for us to find each other as a lost part of ourselves, to know and be known, to need and be needed, to want and enjoy another being, given by The Being.

This is the story we find ourselves in. Caught between two dangers: a hyper-spiritual danger that says, "It is good enough for humans to be alone, so all they need is God," and a hyper-secular danger that says, "It is good enough for human beings to be with another created being,. Forget about the Supreme Being from whom all being and blessings flow." Neither of these options is good enough. The only viable option in this story for us human beings is to live in relationship with our Creator and with our fellow creatures - in whom we find a lost part of ourselves restored to us again.

I think this is why we are cautioned about being "unequally yoked." (2 Cor 6:14) What God is warning against - actually commanding against - is any kind of bonded relationship with those holding different spiritual values. In our core we head in two different directions. To commit to a relationship with one not committed to Christ is to set up a frustration, discouragement or anxiety that is repeatedly cautioned against throughout His Word.

In this story we find ourselves in, the Genesis version of it, I begin to realize that in removing a rib from Adam God seemingly wants him (and us) to feel incomplete by design. We feel an ache inside by ourselves, as if a part of us is missing, wrenched from our very soul, so that we will always look outside of ourselves for belonging and connection. And so in this story we find ourselves in we live in a fallen garden, with all other created beings around us - but we can still walk with God in the cool of the day.

This is not just my story, it's everyone's.

Another Silly Poem

You walked lightly into my life
Captivating and lovely to my mind,
At first, I did not know who you were
Now I don’t know who I am without you,
You kissed me
I felt my world change,
You held me
I heard my heart awaken,
You loved me
And my soul was born anew

You walked lightly into my life
Now my heart knows who you are
And with every breath
And every step
I take down lonely roads,
Your hand is my staff
Your voice is my guide
Your strength my shelter
Your passion my awakening.

You walked lightly into my life,
And all my pain
You took as your own,
And all my fears
You cast into the sea,
All my doubt
Lost in your eyes,

You walked lightly into my life
And no matter if you choose to stay or go,
My life is forever changed,
Just because you loved me
For a moment in time.
And because I choose
To love you
For the rest of mine.

I Fool Myself

Love! you dealt a bitter blow,
To lay me cross the mortal plains,
Bedewed, bedimmed amongst a cloud
To weep at my enduring foe
Of harsh reality - the searing pains of
Destiny: dependable propensity
To fool myself repeatedly,
That I can ever triumph over love!