On a Sunday Evening

We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will. (Rom 8:26-27)

I remember when I first read this passage. I was a new believer, newly wed to my perfect gift from God, new at prayer and needing to learn how to pray. It was a great season in my life, active in my church, teaching/mentoring young men from the heart, trying to learn at the same time. Exciting, wonderful times; perhaps some of my finest hours.

Again, today, I don't know how to pray except to stand on the promise of this passage; that the Spirit Himself will somehow sort things out for me and make it all clear to God. Oh, the inexpressible longings of my heart for the things I cannot understand!

Yet I know they are an echo from the throne of God, and a whisper from His heart. They are for me more a groan than a song, a burden than a feather. But they are a blessed burden, and a groan whose undertone is praise and unspeakable joy. I cannot always express myself, and today it is enough to know that God is praying in me, praying for something only He understands and that needs His touch.

I saw the woman who plucks the strings of my heart today. I miss her so. I wanted to tell her "Welcome home." I wished we could return to those times when life was so simple, when I knew that with her at my side and God in the lead there was nothing that could divide us. The tears flow tonight as I write this and recall how I drove her away in my sin.

Tonight all I have is a prayer of thanks that I can pour out my heart, the burden of my spirit and the crushing sorrow. I know He hears, loves, understands, receives, and separates from the simple prayer what is in error, imperfect or wrong, and presents the remainder, along with the incense of the great High Priest (Heb 7:25-27), before the very throne of God. I am sure my prayer is heard, accepted and answered in His Name.

I won't be attending my home church in the coming weeks. After prayer with my pastor and friend, the topic is too painful for me now. But I will return. I miss my family.