The Gerbil-like Qualities of My Mind

Like countless millions of others I studied some psychology in college. It was a requirement for graduation. As such, or perhaps because the introductory subject matter really is simple, the class was easy to pass. Psych 101 was held in a packed lecture hall conveniently close to the student union building where I could always find a game of pinochle, cribbage or backgammon to join. I did not attend class regularly.

Studying the generally accepted principles of human behavior seemed a waste of time, and I had little-to-no interest. I was particularly put off by references to salivating dogs and the theoretical application of those experiments to human behavior. A slobbering canine, me?

I was offended to a lesser degree by experiments on lab rats, especially experiments involving a maze. While I thought most of mankind, certainly myself, to be more intellectually developed than the average rodent the experiments were at least interesting to watch. A colleague and I even figured out a way to bet on the outcomes.

Sleek white-furred bodies, noses sniffing and twitching as they worked their way along corridors of sameness; I am certain it was fascinating to some, but most assuredly not applicable to my life. Besides, the incentive/reward system and its applicability eluded me. I would still cut class to pursue a game, a girl or a greenback. And they served beer in the student union.

I now have the ability to apply some of the lessons and principles (as far as I can recall them) in my life, and I can often... regularly... sometimes... occasionally discern my own stimulus/response patterns of behavior. So much for maturity. My brain functions more like a group of rodents dropped into a maze all at once, each taking off in a direction of its own, at varying paces, indecisive at times, charging ahead at others, reversing course frequently, doubling back on itself, climbing over other rats (thoughts), short-cutting over walls, stepping on other furry bodies, milling aimlessly. It's chaotic to watch, exhausting to live.