Pain v. Comfort

Those who don't love themselves as they are rarely love life as it is either. Most of us prefer certain of life's experiences and deny or reject others. They remain unaware of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain, or even ugly paper. In avoiding pain and seeking comfort at all cost we risk being left without intimacy or compassion. In rejecting change or risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest. In denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness, or even that the love we have been given can be trusted.

Beyond comfort lies grace, mystery and adventure. I learned this early in my life, preferring a backpack to a Holiday Inn. In the rigors of extended treks with a short food supply I learned to test my mettle and developed an internal compass that was able to guide me; a moral compass. I learned that my own tendency to avoid the conventional allowed me to expand my consciousness - without the use of drugs. So what then happened?

In my experience, an accumulation of material goods created a shift in focus. I began to trust in the gifts and my ability to acquire them, rather than trust in the Giver. My compass began to point to something other than True North. And I followed along. As I began to drift off course a well intentioned friend asked me a hackneyed question; "If all your friends jumped off a bridge would you follow them?" "I don't know. Is there liquor and women at the bottom?"

What became a practice, the denial of my own beliefs, has been relatively simple to reverse; simple but not easy. It requires the practice and discipline of following my moral compass again. I have had to refocus my attention on what is, rather than what I would have things be. And I have had to re-examine my beliefs on physical and emotional pain.

Unexplained pain may direct my attention to an area of my life I have not acknowledged, something I may be afraid to know about myself or allow me to feel. It is regularly a cord that binds me to my integrity. Until I acknowledge that discomfort and its source I cannot know my own wholeness. What I believe about myself can then hold me hostage.

A wisdom from the Talmud teaches, "We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are." Time to take off the glasses.