Emotional Healing

God did not give man words to conceal his feelings. - Jose Saramago

Some of the most powerful memories I have of my childhood are some of the most damaging. "Men don't cry," or "I'll give you something to cry about," did genuine emotional damage. I am still attempting to rewire the circuitry in my brain. I've spent many hours in therapy and read a large number of books to assist in correcting those thought process errors, and still I have trouble with tears at times. It is difficult to develop the emotional vulnerability required to be so.... human in front of others.

While my father was speaking tongue-in-cheek (at least I hope so) when he said, "There is no such thing as happiness; just lesser degrees of misery," it was said often enough to become a mantra of sorts. For decades I knew little or nothing of happiness while I fully understood that I was just not that miserable.

The process of emotional healing regularly exposes me to new ideas and new people and new theories on healing. A few new thoughts I have come to rely on are, "Don't believe everything you think" (thank you Maureen), "You don't have to have a point to have a point" from an animated feature released in the early '70's I believe, and "Not everything that counts can be counted" - Denis Burkit, M.D.

I am especially grateful for the Burkit quote which I translate as - the things that matter are not always quantifiable. What is the value of a hug? Ask someone who has just lost someone dear to them. What is the value of a twelve-step call? Ask the newly recovering alcoholic. What is the value of a well-timed word?

I was visiting friends in Northern California around the time my divorce became final. Those were days when my emotions were blacker than I could recall before. Distanced from my family, divorced, not much time in sobriety; I felt quite unloved and unlovable.

When it came time to leave, my friend asked his two year old daughter to say goodbye. Instead, she climbed into my arms, put her arms tight around my neck, looked into my face and said, "I want to go home with you." The flash flood that started in my eyes swept through my heart, cleanly slicing it open so the love of a child could fill it to overflow.

What is the value of our words? They are priceless.