On Judgements

Weeks ago I set out to expound on this topic - Judgements - to help me process some insights I had gleaned over the past year. In the process I learned that I am still a judgemental old fool at times, but a bit wiser for this exercise.

We judge others, others judge us, we judge ourselves. It is an everyday exercise in our diminishment of ourselves. Criticism and approval are each a form of judgement, and while approval may not bear the sting of criticism it often carries a subtler form of harm.

So much has been written of criticism and the damage it can do, especially to children, I don't feel compelled to add to it. I will state (a judgement I have made) that I believe we mis-use the word "criticism" and it's original intention. The Latin word from which we derive criticism, criticare, means "to construct." It is a verb, an action that indicates we are hepling to build someone up. As a society we regularly label our negative judgements of others as "constructive criticism," redundant and untrue. My observations (judgement) of critical people indicate the real intention of their judgement is to make themselves feel better by pointing out others' shortcomings.

That said, I am guilty of judging others, and society in general, with that observation. But in making this statement I must question my own motives. Am I trying to elevate myself at the expense of human-kind by pointing out that at east I recognize my judgemental nature?

This can quickly degenerate into an absurd argument; it is close to that now. I do not believe we can be free of judgements, to be merely observers in this world. And why would I want to be? The Buddhist teaching of non-judgement and non-interference, in my judgement, is only half correct. The ideal of non-judgement, merely observing this world and allowing it to pass through me is a great spiritual practice. I have studied DBT (check it out at http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/) for some time and found it to be of immense help. But as for non-interference? Frankly I judge it goes against our very human nature.

How can I sit idly by watching all that is just wrong around me and not attempt to affect some type of change. And yes, I am aware that is a judgement of wrong vs. right. If I know a friend is suffering in active addiction do I take a position of "non-interference?" Maybe you, but love of others compels I reach out and share what was given me. My faith requires I speak the truth in love." (Eph 4:15)

Approval, another type of judgement, is not without it's misuse. Children learn early on to seek the approval of their parents, siblings and friends. It is basic to human nature and an intricate part of the incentive/reward system of early childhood development. We carry that with us through life. We all (my judgement) want to feel that warm sense of satisfaction when others approve of or enjoy what we do or say. The reward of our childhood (praise, candy, coins, etc.) changes as we mature but the need for a reward remains.

That need is what fuels much of what I do; the praise of others. The pain comes in when it is withheld. In my childhood I felt like a sundial. Only the sunny hours were of importance. The withdrawl of approval, regardless of track record, creates an insecurity inside that in my case set up a desire to fill it with whoever or whatever I could.

I even judge myself for having come up with no answers in this exercise. But the questions and realizations I leave it with give me food for thought and areas of my life to work on.