Risky Behaviors

There is an element of risk in living out your dreams. In a society that teaches us an intuitive risk vs. reward analysis, why is it so difficult to focus on the rewards we dream of? I can think of only one - fear.

I think it possible that fear is so powerful it causes us to downgrade our dreams. Instead of trying to live out of the fullness that God offers, we settle for convenience, security and comfort. A hot shower in the morning, a roof over our head, regular meals, maybe a kitchen to cook them in, a comfortable bed with pillows and blankets, good sex, these are all powerful wants, but are they what God dares me to reach for?

For some time now my kitchen has tucked very nicely inside of a 1-quart covered pot - stove and all. An accumulation of foam and pads, a sleeping bag and an old comforter serve as my bedding and showers come almost daily as friends can arrange. Yet living in my truck has taught me to dream again, dreams about the life God has always intended for me.

I have had to overcome some very powerful fears to get to the place of peace I find myself in today. Homelessness, abandonment and rejection have all contributed to being able to let go of the life I had chosen to follow in favor of a better one. And while I may not see that life while I am here, I do get glimpses of it from time to time.

I see it in the laughter of children, the caring of elderly couples for each other, the protectiveness displayed by homeless bands of men and women, the clearing eyes of recovering alcoholics and addicts. I see it in the flashes of inspiration I receive when my prose or poetry flows. I have seen it in the faces of friends when my poetry has been set to music, and that music played on the radio.

"I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of." (John 10:10 TM) I have a difficult time imagining myself as a writer, even harder is imagining myself a songwriter, hardest still is as an evangelist. Yet, in this story I find myself in, I have allowed elements of each of these "job descriptions" to be developed in me. And as I abandon myself and my dreams in favor of those He supplants in me and His life I am happier and more emotionally fulfilled than I thought I could be again this side of heaven.